Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
