You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
