Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
