told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
