It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
