oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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