my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
