She said her name was "party"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
