Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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