I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
