put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
