I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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