They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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