how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
