fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
