i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
