did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
