im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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