we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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