Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you had me at cake vodka
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
