I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
