I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
