Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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