I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just found puke in my bra..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
