i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
