i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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