its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
