I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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