Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
