Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
