Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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