i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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