i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
