I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
