Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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