i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
