Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
