singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
