last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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