He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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