My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
