Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
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Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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