I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
