i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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