after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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