i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
