I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
