yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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