so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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