Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
