ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
