They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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