What a fucking waste of an outfit
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All the doctor said was why
I wear drunk well.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
