If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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