i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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