david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
