I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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